Lay Me Down
by JustAnotherStupidPhanGirl
Summary: Inspired by Sam Smith- Lay me Down. (Hence the title.) Phil, Dan, Phan, Sadness, Despair, Happiness, Light.


***Inspired by Lay me Down. (Sam Smith)***

 ** _Yes, I do, I believe,_ _That one day I will be,_ _Where I was right there,_ _Right next to you..._**

I miss you, Phil. I miss you more then I'm supposed to miss my best friend. You had to go, and leave me. Leaving me with no one else that I care about more than myself. I'm not eating because of you. I'm not leaving my house because of you. I don't want to live because of you. I loved you, more then anything. But you didn't feel the same way back. I remember when I kissed you, and you pushed me away. Then you were yelling at me about your boyfriend that I had never even heard of.

 ** _...And it's hard,_ _The days just seems so dark._ _The moon, the stars a_ _re nothing without you_**

I remember our last conversation. My heart is still not fully healed from what you had said.

Phil stared at me, his eyes, the brightest shade of blue. "I'm moving in with Colin in 2 days. I thought you would want to know." I thought you would want to know. No. I didn't. I don't want to think about you leaving.

Tears well in my eyes, and silently hit the covers of his old bed. I can still smell whatever it was that you had in here. Maybe coffee, maybe cinnamon, maybe all those nights that I watched you while you were asleep. I remember the night that I braved up, and kissed you. While you slept. On the mouth.

 ** _Your touch, your skin,_ _Where do I begin?_ _No words can explain t_ _he way I'm missing you..._**

You actually didn't push me back then. I miss you, Phil. I miss you so much. I miss those nights where we had just watched a scary movie, and you were cuddled up to me. I always took it as a sign that you liked me back. But, no. It was just a friendly gesture.

 ** _Deny this emptiness,_ _This hole that I'm inside,_ _These tears, T_ _hey tell their own story..._**

I feel empty. A lot of my subscribers have UN-subscribed because of you. I'm now down to at least 500,000. More emptiness. More sadness. You've been gone from my life for over a year and a half. That damn Colin Blackwater.

 ** _...Told me not to cry when you were gone,_ _But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong_**

I cry again. It's really hard not to though, what with me imagining you becoming Mr. Blackwater. Imagining you holding him, like I did to you. Imagining him comforting you, and kissing you to lull you to sleep after a hard day.

 ** _Can I lay by your side?_ _Next to you, you._ _And make sure you're alright,_ _I'll take care of you. I_ _don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight..._**

I always remind myself that it's not my fault we aren't friends anymore. I still feel guilty, no matter what I tell myself.

 ** _...I'm reaching out to you._ _Can you hear my call?_ _This hurt that I've been through_ _I'm missing you, missing you like crazy_**

I feel pain. I feel distress. I feel the way that most people feel when they get rejected.

 ** _...You told me not to cry when you were gone_ _But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong..._**

I love you. I love you, Phil. I love my best friend. You're my drug. The tears flow freely now, soaking my blanket.

 ** _Can I lay by your side?_ _Next to you, you._ _And make sure you're alright._ _I'll take care of you_ _I don't want to be here, if I can't be with you tonight..._**

I had slept with you once, but it was because you were scared. I can't remember why, but all I remember is waking up, and seeing Phil there. Seeing him cuddled up next to me. I looked down. My arms were around you.

 ** _...Lay me down tonight._ _Lay me by your side._ _Lay me down tonight._ _Lay me by your side._ _Can I lay by your side?_**

Then, that was it. You left with that dumbass Colin. I hated Phil for awhile, but I got over it. I loved him, and I still do.

 ** _Next to you..._**

As I'm sitting on my bed, there's an eager knock at the door. "Hello?" I ask, looking through the peephole in the door. There. Eyes red from crying. I open the door, letting Phil inside.

 ** _You._**

Two hours later, he's all cried out. Apparently, Colin never loved you like I do. "Maybe this is too late to say this," I say, rubbing Phil's back as he cried into my shirt, leaving a wet spot in the middle of my chest. "but...I-"

Phil lifted his head, and kissed my cheek, lightly. "I know. I love you too. I realized that the moment I left to be with that man. I love you, more than Colin. More than anyone. I took your love for granted. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm a jerk."

"No. Neither of us is the jerk. Colin's the jerk. He dumped you." Phil smiled, for the first time in two hours. I kissed him back, letting loose all of the emotion that i felt before. I love him. I love Philip Michael Lester.


End file.
